The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? 3. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. 29. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? What did one panicking sailor say to the other? These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. 4. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Military 3. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Eternal Piece It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. I was very nervous, she said. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. What would As A.J. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Gary Toohard. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Marine: Wait, stop. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. As A.J. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? It was sheer brilliance. ! Again, no reply. St. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. 44. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. 41. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. 5. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Aircraft Engineers 1. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. He says, Anyway, enough about me. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Reply: No, I say again. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . They sure grow up fast, dont they?. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Attention! We were a tough group. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. I will take the both of you for a ride. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . (pointing at the sky). It was PRIVATE. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Do you have change for a dollar? The Blonde Fighter Pilot Fish Food. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Pilots 5. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Caller: Sgt. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Ive been sandblasted.. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. But yours is.. Unless you can be Batman. Louis, I grumbled. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Individual use is by implied consent. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. ", 55. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. 11. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. 13. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? 50. 7. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. 1. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 17. 46. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . The Army will post guards around the building. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. SUB sandwiches! P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Chicago. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? You divertyour course! U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. 54. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. An airplane! Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Marines Say OOOOORAH! 4. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Landings are mandatory. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Its not weak, he replied. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. He needed COVER! Officer: Soldier. Dad got quiet. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. If pilots screw up, they die. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Takeoffs are optional. Soldier: No, SIR!. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. 64. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. The Lasting Supper Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Caller: Is Sgt. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: 2. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Theyre U.S. AF! The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. you cant do both. Even his son turned up. [Answered]. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Did it work? Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Anecdotes 2. 42. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. We recommend our users to update the browser. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. (Hang up. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. The two lads objected strongly. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. But I had the last laugh. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? The c.i.a. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. 11. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! 39. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Dont think so? Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. 32. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Only one. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Nothing, she said. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Why won't you kiss me? Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! 40. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . I say again, stand down and divert your course. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. But I am public affairs, I said. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. ! Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands.
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